Love Conquers All
by AraKitten
Summary: A moving tale of how Hermione and Professor Snape discovered their love for one another. Revised.


**The Extremely Short, Horribly Abridged, Plotless, Grammatically Incorrect, Love Story: _Love Conquers All_**

Oh, it was a wondrous day at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the Whomping Willow was beating a First Year boy to death.

Unfortunately Ron, Harry, and Hermione (all Seventh Year students now) were in their damp, dark, and otherwise oppressing Potions class. Thus, they were far from the sun, birds, and tragic death. Luckily for them, something was about to happen...

In order to install a plot device, Professor Snape was nowhere to be found. In a bold move that is not used nearly enough in Harry Potter fanfiction, the author of said fanfic had decided to seriously wound him. Something about a badger, a pot of honey, and a cricket bat. The details of his accident were both sketchy and overrated.

But anyway, that meant there was no teacher.

"Well, there is no Potions teacher until Professor Snape has recovered," Professor McGonagall said. This was rather unnecessary as the reader had already read about that in the previous paragraph.

Harry and Ran exchanged gleeful looks, and Seamus Finnigan called out, "Is it true he tried to molest a badger with a cricket bat and a boat anchor?"

"Mr. Finnigan! I'll thank you to leave dirty rumors out of the classroom!" Professor McGonagall continued on, "Professor Dumbledore has decided to let Hermione Granger teach the class."

Hermione pretended to look stunned. I mean, who are we fooling? This is Hermione. "Oh wow! I am so stunned," she cooed.

McGonagall continued on, "Of course this means that Miss Granger will be spending most of her free time with Professor Snape, to insure that she knows what his curriculum is."

Ron screamed in horror.

"Miss Granger, I suggest you go to the hospital wing. The rest of you may spend this time reviewing last week's lesson." The rest of the class grumbled and called her dirty names as she left.

"I'm here," Hermione sang as she pranced into the hospital ward. She sailed past the body of the dead boy without a glance, not even noticing his grieving family. She threw back the certain that had been drawn around Snape's bed and trilled happily, "Hello!"

Snape glared at her from his body cast. "I hate you."

Hermione burst into tears, "I DON'T KNOW _WHY_! I'VE BEEN STRIVING TO BE THE PERFECT STUDENT _JUST_ TO IMPRESS _YOU_!" She collapsed to the floor dramatically.

A note of fake concern crept into Snape's voice. "Do get up Miss Granger!"

"I'M THIS WAY BECAUSE I _LOOOOOOOVE_ YOU!" Not only was Hermione suffering from Caps Lock heartbreak and Severe Punctuation hysteria, but apparently her legs had stopped working and her voice had gone up several octaves.

"You... love... me?" stammered Snape, his soulless black eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Oh, how could I ever resist your greasy black hair and _sexalisious_ body?"

Snape suddenly began to cry. "No one has ever loved me before," he hiccuped. "I was in a long term physical relationship with Professor Trelawny, but she was just using me for sex. I'm MORE than just a pretty face!"

Hermione sighed. "Oh, I know. I could see your tortured soul lurking below the surface during my first year!"

"Hermione," Snape said in a whispery voice. "If all the bones below my neck hadn't been smashed into a pulp, I'd kiss you right now." (Apparently when Voldemort suspected someone of being a spy (and rightly so!) He would drop a double decker bus on them. Just to make them talk.)

"Oh Severus," she threw herself across the bed and kissed him passionately.

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Two years later Snape and Hermione were married outside of the Burrow. At first Ron had said he wouldn't come, but at the last minute he managed to patch his differences with Snape. In celebration he sung a moving rendition of 'The Lumberjack Song' at the reception.

Harry and Draco were married four days later. Everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Voldemort, who was hit by a bus the very same day.

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